Thoughts on Being a “Yes” Mom

Two summers ago, right after Luke was born, I read a great post on the blog Beauty and Bedlam.  (Click here and here for two more related posts by Jen.)  It was about the challenge of being a “yes” mom in a culture that already says “yes” to anything and everything your kids want. 

I try so hard to be a “yes” mom, and I think about that post almost daily. 

The truth of the matter is that I feel like a broken record, stuck on “no” for most of my day.  I realize that part of that is because I have a growing toddler, but I hate it all the same.  Seriously, all day long….”No Luke, you can’t touch that”…“Luke please don't throw your spoon/cup/rice/bib/pb&j on the ground”…“Luke please don’t go down the stairs without Mommy”…“Luke please don’t unplug Mommy’s lamp” “Luke please don’t try to grab your poopy diaper when I’m changing you”….on and on and on blah blah blah blah blah….

So I try to intentionally look for the ways in which I can say “yes.”  For instance, Luke LOVES pens.  Loves, loves, loves them.  Toddlers aren’t “supposed” to play with pens, but they bring him so much joy (oh, I just laughed out loud saying that, but it’s true).  So instead of saying “no” to all pens, always, I try to let him play with them every so often.  But it takes work.  I have to set out a mat so he doesn’t destroy anything, and I have to get the paper and I have to sit with him the whole time so his hands don’t stray and ruin some fabric.  It’s not exactly my idea of a good time, but he loves it.

And sometimes, already, I see the rewards of being a “yes” mom.  Like the other day when I made graham crackers and Luke kept crying to be held and see what I was doing.  So I got him a chair and put out some cookie dough and let him mash it and he pretended to use the measuring cups and spoon (I know about 80 million other moms do this every day; it was just one of the first times I’d ever done it with Luke).  He was thrilled! And, as a perk, it actually let me get the graham crackers done.  ;)

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m just starting the journey of how to find the balance between saying “yes” and “no” as a parent.  I knew too many parents growing up (mine included, sometimes), who said “no” simply because they might have felt that they were supposed to, or out of fear.  (This is not at all meant to criticize my parents; just to compare their parenting style.  I love my parents, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying that they were extremely strict, and I’m planning on being a little more lenient with my kids.) 

  
We’re still working on eating yogurt well with the spoon – hence the smock. :)

I want to give my kids the richest life possible – full of as many healthy, fun, educational, and enriching experiences as I can.  I want them to have lots of memories where they think, “Wow, now that was really awesome.” 

There will be *plenty* of times I will say no – that’s a given.  I’m not talking about being a lax parent.  Chris and I are strong Christians, and we believe in discipline, plenty of boundaries, and being consistent.  I learned from my year of subbing and two years of teaching that consistency and following through with your consequences are the only ways to keep a classroom going (and, likewise, your parenting).  My kids always knew that I followed through, and my classrooms were always complimented on their behavior by outsiders.  I say that not to brag, only to say that I’m thankful I learned that lesson early on. 

Christmas Eve – he is obsessed with that tool-belt! 

The question I keep trying to ask myself is,

“Why am I saying ‘no’ right now?” 

Is it because it’s inconvenient or because it’s something kids aren’t “supposed” to do?  Or is it something more valid, like telling Luke not to swish his hands in the toilet bowl (oh yes, welcome to my life! ;) because it’s extremely unsanitary and culturally unacceptable (like, I’m pretty sure in every culture). 

{We now close the toilet lid and shut the door for good measure. :)}

I want to be the spontaneous mom who tells her kids to get in the car at 8:00 one night in their pj’s because we’re going to get ice cream (and *gasp* says they don’t have to brush their teeth afterwards).  Or the mom who lets her kids eat breakfast in bed one Saturday, just because.  Bottom line is that I’m trying to make sure my reason for “no” is just as valid as my reason for “yes".”  It takes a lot of thinking.

And my baby’s only 18 months old.  Oh boy. :)

 

 

I’d *love* to hear your thoughts on this subject, if you feel like chiming in!