i always think it’s silly when people apologize for not writing on a blog, because it’s their personal space and they should feel free to write or not write as much as they want. so consider this more of an explanation than an apology, i guess?
since august, we have been inside 13 houses (i’m not superstitious, thankfully), put in offers on 3, driven past countless others, toured one way-too-small rental, and…….nothing.
nothinggggggggggggggggggg has happened. not one of those options has panned out for us.
we have lived here for 6 months and 3 weeks. the 15th will make it 7 months. i am so, so sick of living in my parents house. i can’t tell you how desperately i want to be in my own place again. i feel like i am bursting at the seams sometimes, wishing we could go back to a family of 3 - not 6 (7 when my sister is home on college breaks).
please don’t misunderstand me, i’m not being ungrateful. i am so thankful to have a place to stay that is safe and warm, with people that love me. i keep reminding myself that people in many other countries would be thrilled with the situation i have. i keep thinking about the israelites in the wilderness for 40 years…..or abraham being 100 before he had isaac, or joseph being unjustly kept in prison for years.
next to those, my wish sounds so petty. i get that.
but it flies up in my face with a million little things each day.
i miss my mattress.
i miss my fluffy white down comforter.
i miss my furniture, my art, and my baskets.
i miss using my white plates.
i miss draining pasta in my pink colander.
i miss my coffee mugs.
i miss having a baby-proofed house.
i miss my deep-freezer being filled with food i’ve stocked up on or cooked ahead.
i miss my books.
i miss seeing photos of the three of us all around the house.
i miss not being able to decorate and re-arrange furniture.
i miss my candles.
i miss being in charge of my kitchen and being able to leave a mess there if i feel like it.
i miss having the freedom to yell, kiss, or talk to my husband about whatever i want, wherever i want,
i miss listening to our favorite cds while i’m cooking dinner and he’s playing with luke.
it’s so many small moments every day that all add up and sometimes overwhelm me. lately i’ve just felt like i had nothing meaningful to say here because in so many ways i can’t help feeling like my life is on hold.
waiting is so, so, so hard.
Jess- I can only imagine how tough this is on you - I would totally feel the SAME way. I will pray that the Lord will find you a home of your own {and quick!}. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteOh my, I hear ya! We have had our house on the market and waiting to hear about my man's job for months. We have all of our personal stuff put away so that our house shows better. Now it's almost (praying) under contract, and I can't wait to pack everything up to start again. Only, we don't know where we're starting again. We have 3 piles of boxes...those for right away, those for June, and those for September (just random months but you get the idea). I completely hear you on the waiting. God is really working on me. I am really trying, but often failing. I will be praying with you! Like my husband says, we have it so much better than other people; it's just not what we want. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLimbo plain ole sucks. And I think it's totally REAL that you just gotta vent about it. Tis ok to be grateful but have desire for different. You will be in your home soon soon soon. Spring is coming and that means MORE housing on the market! You'll have your pick of the litter soon enough! Praying for that!
ReplyDeleteWe had a water damage in our house when AJ was 3 weeks old. We lived in a hotel for a month and then ended up living with my Mother and Father in Law for almost 4 as the months dragged on and nothing got done. (It was a condo, and the condo insurance and our insurance were duking it out over who would pay for the damage.) With us it was a constant tease, because the work that needed to be done would only take about 3-4 weeks or so... the other 4 months was just the insurance companies fighting. We get over one barrier, think we only had a month to go, and then have something else... I remember being so depressed once we had SNOW and I STILL wasn't home. (it happened during summer) So believe me when I say I know *exactly* how you feel.
ReplyDeleteNothing made me feel good, because all I wanted was to be home with my baby (as a SAHM I had no
'release' from house duty - his parents are both retired and home all the time too.) I felt like I was just trapped; because there was nothing that I could do, other than wait for Gods timing to move things along.
The only thing that I found that made me feel better (again, not good, but better) Was incorporating what I could of our things into the home. We put up a couple of pictures, I love candles and broke out the candles. Does your parents have any decorating needs that you could work on together to get some of the craftiness exercised (if this would work with your family)
One of the worst things was that we didn't have the money to be going out and doing something... people were constantly telling us to set time for just the two or three of us; but with the expense of doing anything, we mostly just ended up driving around. Or walking around Walmart (talk about depressing when you can't buy anything) If there is anything you can think of in your area to do this time of year for free or cheap DO IT! And if there isn't, admit defeat and at least do one thing every so often together - it's money well spent - your sense of sanity and family is worth way more.
It was hard for me because I was MAD. I felt like I was getting cheated out of my son's first months, and that just made things so much worse.
The good news is that once you get to the other side of this, when you are in your own home with your son and your decorations; you will appreciate it sooooo much more. And you will be a much better Mom for it. It will come to an end! I'll be praying for you!
Ahh... I feel so much for you. I have been in your shoes before, once when Rich was deployed to Iraq, and then when we moved to OK. Now when he was in Iraq, I stayed home with my mom and dad because we were between leases on our apartment and we wanted to get housing on base. It was about six months, and man did they seem to drag. I was thankful that my son loved to be there, cuz it made it easier, but there were days I was just dying to get back to my own house and my own things. I totally get that.
ReplyDeleteThe second time was when we first moved to OK and we were looking for a house. We brought only the bare necessities with us because we thought we would have a house pretty quick... six months later we finally moved into our house. I truly get what you are saying, and I totally understand where you are coming from.
God will provide the right house for you, and this will be in your past soon enough. You are not alone in this feeling... I'll keep you in my prayers. Blessings to all of you!!!
Hi -
ReplyDeleteI found your blog recently and I'm not sure what area you are looking on or what kind of house you are looking for, but I may have something of interest to you. It's close to where you are now and it's, I believe, a 3 bedroom, 1 bath ranch. Garage, back porch, large fenced in yard in back, and good condition. The previous owner was a family friend for years and recently passed away. Her daughter and son-in-law are now fixing up the house (painting, cleaning, etc.) and are going to try to sell it on their own first, before going through a realtor. The house is on a quiet residential street and the neighbors are very polite - many have young children of their own. The daughter who is selling it thinks a family like yours would be the ideal fit and, since they're just starting painting (not even on the market yet), if a deal was made you could probably even pick out the paint colors. Anyway, I know this comment sounds sort of sketch - I promise it's not. I just didn't want to give out my name and the information unless it sounds like something you would be interested in. If it does sound like something you'd want to know more about, let me know and I can send you a private email.
lol well anonymous, yes, i am half creeped out and half really intrigued. my e-mail address is blessedlifeblog {at} gmail {dot} com and i would love to know more info (and also your name! :).
ReplyDelete